Wednesday, March 30, 2011

sorry & it's autumn

A quick apology for my rant yesterday.  I have not been feeling right for a week or so.  Today is a new day - and I am feeling much better - back to my usual self.  I have never mentioned that I had post-natal depression after each of the children.  It became worse with each child.  If post-natal depression does not resolve itself postpartum  it is then diagnosed as clinical depression.  It is something I find very difficult to talk about.  I feel like a failure.  Being a Christian - I was feeling like even more of a failure.  Christians shouldn't have mental illness should they?  Big misconception.  I was blessed to have wonderful doctor's and my children's doctor's who explained to me Depression IS a medical condition, just as diabetes is.  I hid my depression for many years feeling so guilty and that I was crazy.  I don't know many times how I coped - albeit for God's grace.

I have been following Lori's blog after stumbling across it a few weeks ago.  In the last couple of years - I have had so many people come across my path who have dealings with mental illness.  I am one of the many who has a long line of family history of mental disorders.  What hope was there in the gene pool?  My only hope is Him who looks after me each day.  And not keeping it a secret. So there you have it.  The last week, I was not functioning well.  It is always great to wake up and know the cloud has gone.  Until we meet again.  Today I am feeling better.  The kids and I are going to go on a lovely Autumn walk when we pick Miss G up from school today.

So I supposed it was time I let you know.  Share another part of me.  I don't need to be ashamed.  We are living in a new community and it takes time to get to know people.  It is nice and quiet.

We are going to read Autumn books today (the boys are home from school) and maybe make some Autumn crafts.  I was reading through an amazing book - so many weaving examples!  I can't wait. I found the camera cable!



Love Rach xo

17 comments:

  1. Thank you for sharing and being honest. I so understand and I know when you get in that "dark place" you have a hard time realizing that "this too shall pass". Thank God for being with us and for people who understand. I enjoy your blog so much and I check it every day! Your writing and pictures are wonderful.

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  2. Happy reading time. Like you say, it is an illness and it's nothing to be ashamed of. I suffer from anxiety and getting professional help allowed me to move forward. Sending lots of love your way.

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  3. Thankyou Meg and Sarah...

    Meg - is that my friend Meg? Taverner Square Meg?

    xoxox Rach

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  4. No, I'm from Georgia, in the USA. I have been following your blog for a while--it's my first time to comment.

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  5. Meg - sorry about that! I have lost touch with an old friend - and thought maybe it was her!

    Thanks so much for following - I feel like I am on a bit of a squiggly path these last few weeks!

    xo Rach

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  6. Rach, what we see and what you feel are very different, and I would say that is a testament to what you allow God to do in your life. I learnt (the hard way) that I place great value in people who are 'real' and do not pretend to be other than who they are.

    You are a beautiful, gentle, amazing woman and you are exactly who God made you to be. Celebrate that! He doesn't make mistakes.

    Hope Mr S is OK. He didn't look too happy yesterday and we missed him today.

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  7. Thanks Tracy - you are precious xoxo

    Master S was just a bit snotty! xo

    Love Rach xo

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  8. Hi Rach, I am so glad I found your blog the other week AND that I read this post today. I have struggled with dark spots over the past 3 1/2 years after a spectacular breakdown where I ran myself quite literally into the ground with work. I still HATE that I need medication, I feel weak & inferior & somehow not quite as on top of things as I should be...AND I only have 1 child - so what is my excuse!! God has had to teach me again & again (the hard way...boy am I a s.l.o.w learner...) to rely on Him not me!! e gave me just one blessed son for a reason, I can see that now. I have just crawled out the other side of another "want to hide under the doona covers" episode and was so relieved to wake up and feel that my cloud had lifted. Now who has ranted!! Love & blessings to you, you truly amaze me & inspire me with your life and ALL that you do, TK xx

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  9. ps - isn't Autumn just the best!!! TK xx

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  10. Tiffany - thank you so much. Some days it is hard - I am now thankful I have meds - I fought it for too long. Love to you - I am blessed to have 'met' you! xo Rach

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  11. Hi Rachel, this is Jodie Sheppard from school.
    Your blog is wonderful!
    I too am on medication. It's a long story but I went a bit psycho after I had my longed for baby girl (after five boys). I am really grateful for the meds and feel that they enable me to think properly, the way God wants me too instead of like a psycho! They enable me to see the truth from the lies.
    Anyway, just wanted to let you know how blessed I am to meet you. You are very inspiring!
    Much love, Jodie xxx

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  12. I think I might have accidentally posted twice! Apologies if that's the case. Jodie.

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  13. Hi Jodie! Thanks so much for your message. Yep, I get the psycho feeling - my brain does not stop without meds. I forgot to take them last week for four days - hence not feeling good this last few days. Might see you again at coffee morning or in Safeway! Love Rach xox

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  14. Hi Rach,
    So glad you're feeling better today... I love your honesty - as you mentioned in your last post, you have love, truth and authenticity and that's what makes you stong, and real, and amazing. I really think that creative people usually have a darkness - it balances their own bright light and gives depth to the beauty they see in the world. Thinking, reflective people often suffer too. You are so not alone, and I love that you're talking about it. It's a conversation that needs to happen in public more often.

    x Sarah

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  15. You are an open, honest, sometimes overwhelmed lady. Be indulgent with yourself, you are doing so much. Take life on life terms, one day at a time.
    You know that you are close to my heart and that I follow you with admiration.

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  16. I can understand what you talk about so well! I think one of the best things we can do to ourselves and the people around us is to accept that this is the way we are and that we are not broken or wrong. And that it is our right to ask for and accept help.
    Glad the sun is shining for you again! keep it up, you are wonderful!

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