Friday, May 20, 2011

head in thoughts, thoughts in head

I am finishing my first essay off today and have three to go.  I begin full-time placement in three weeks that goes for three weeks.  As I read some new blogs my head is full of so many thoughts.  I am thinking about the greatness of blogging for my own heart and self.  Then I wonder - mmm... I'd prefer not to talk about it with people that actually know me.  I love blogging as a source of clarifying my own thoughts, isn't that why most of us do it?  Then I wonder how much of me do I share?  My husband know me, my God knows me - is it safe to let you know me?  I know it is all very obscure.  These thoughts of mine.

I am relishing in the healing to my own heart I find in reading blogs of other's who are open, honest and writing about times in their life that many don't talk about.  Mentioning my eating disorder in Sunday's blog was a huge step.  I had even forgotten to include it in my story.  I have hidden it from the world for so long - but it is part of me.  All these little stories make up who we are.  We are not the same, why do we try to present that we are?


I look at my darling daughter and see how innocent she is still at 11 1/2.  I have been told by many that she needs to 'grow up' and do what other kids do.  There is no way I would let her have access to the internet unattended let alone be on chat lines until all hours of the night.  Why the hell would I want to do that.  The real world is horrible.  I tried to introduce an old Australian movie, remember The Shiralee with Brian Brown?  The dysfunction was nothing new to me, but it distressed her so much.  Master S wouldn't have a bar of it, however he is sensitive to Little House on the Prairie!

Yesterday I was searching for a good book to buy Miss G.  She is academically gifted and quite the reader.  So I decided to look in the teen section.  What the?  There was nothing wholesome, a book for a 12-13 year old discussing a teenage girl dying and her only wish was to have sex. I know some (and bless those of you who have not lost it after kids) think sex is great - but for an early teen?  Why once our babes reach a certain age is the world trying to turn them into tarts?  Many an article has been written on this and some are of the opinion it is what the parents teach.  I agree.  I also may add that there is not much out there in mainstream society that aides in raising wholesome children once they reach a certain age.

So I will continue to teach my children the way I do.  I don't want my daughter purging and starving herself like I did.  Why would I expose her to such crap in the media.

Rant, rant, rant.

So how much of me do I share?  I don't know.  It kind of hurts to do it. I feel it opens me up for rejection.  It also brings me healing.  Maybe it brings something to you too?  Thanks for your support to those of you who leave comments - if you don't - be brave!  It truly blesses me. xoxox

Back to my essay!

Much Love Rach xox

17 comments:

  1. Rach, your honesty is raw and healing - I always feel vulnerable when I put a piece of my writing out there on my blog....but funnily enough, this is when I am truly blessed of heart and soul (is that weird.....I am so reticent to share with those around me....)

    I get what you say re finding good wholeseome teaching for our kids - what is our world doing to our sons and daughters? I remember a time early on in my friendship with Shaun, when I first looked after his kids while he worked and L had chosen a movie (Wild Child) to watch. It was rated PG so I thought it would be okay - WRONG!!! within the first minute swearing started and I felt REALLY REALLY uncomfortable with the rather adult concepts. I checked with L & she said yes she had watched it with her mum at the cinema but throughout the whole movie I just felt really ill at ease. When Shaun came home I told him and he said for me to just go with my gut. My gut told me it was not okay for a child under my watch to be subjected to such concepts at the tender age of 10 - I now listen to my heart and you know my little M accepts it!!! I will stick to this.....no matter what!!! God has given me the honour of guarding my M's heart and I intend to do my best. Hey, they grow up soon enough and the world ain't that fabulous at times!!
    TK xx (ps - sorry for MY rant!!)

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  2. ps - do we dare really think about a Daylesford journey.....it is appealing.....TK xx

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  3. You and your daughter are truly beautiful! You are wise to keep her from "growing up" at what seems to me a young age. I do check in with your blog every day and I am always happy to see a new post. Thank you for sharing yourself and for being so honest. I know from experience how it helps to open up to someone who accepts me as I am. And believe me, you are a very special woman and I admire all you are doing and "being". God bless you!

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  4. I am thinking so! It is $80 per night per person, I reckon we could do three nights? How far is it from you though? I think it is about 4 hours for me. xoxoxo I'm smiling with excitement!

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  5. Meg - you have brought tears to my eyes! xox Love to you x

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  6. My Dear Rach,

    You are so right. It is so hard to talk about some things with the people that you see every day and know, but so much easier to put it out there in a blog.

    Don't ever listen if people tell you that your child needs to grow up. Who are they to tell you that what you have and you are doing for your child is not 'normal'. I am trying my hardest to stop my little Tys from growing up too quickly, but as you said everything out there is against you, television being one of the worst. I dislike immensely many of the shows on t.v. that are directed at children. I dislike immensely many of the toys and dolls you find in the stores, one of my least favourite is Bratz dolls. I also immensely dislike many of the slogans on babies and toddlers t-shirts these days. People seem to think that kids growing up quickly means they are mature but maturity comes with time and appropriate experience. I wonder why we are afraid to let our kids grow slowly?

    I was at a seminar one time listening to a woman speak about a teaching style which they are introducing at Tyson's school. One thing that she said really struck home with me, it went something like this: 'if we let them experience, do and have everything at an early age, what then do they have left to look forward to?'.

    So Rach, good on you for sticking to your guns. You are a great mum and you will continue to be so.

    Much love xx

    P.S. This is definately a subject i feel strongly about.

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  7. You are a precious Mama Talia - completely right, they would keep on wanting more and more. xoxo

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  8. Rachel, you have a right to raise your children as you like. Giving good principles is a must.
    But also giving good example. A mother has to accept her role model, accept the passing of time and stop doing and dressing as a teenager herself.
    Sometimes I see women well in their forties (or older...) exposing their bellies and going around painted as prostitues. Also, a divorced mother has a right to find another companion but this doesn't mean that she has to jump in every bed. It is not only the outside world that influences our children, but also how we behave and talk as parents.
    I agree, it is not easy with the junk that is broadcasted and with what can be found on line. And maybe, because we watch them so carefully, our children feel 'different' from the others but, believe me, one day they will understand and be grateful.

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  9. Rachel, I am in awe of the gentle-spirited person you are as I learn when you've come from. You are a tangible reminder of the miraculous work God does in our lives.

    On the parenting thing ~ I have determinedly kept my kids from all manner of things that other kids their age have and do. I like who my kids are and I'm glad they aren't involved in all the darkness that is around them. My 15yo could be the snottiest person alive, but she isn't. She's amazing. I think some of that has to do with the things we protect them from (often against their own will!).

    Books...have you tried Christian fiction for Miss G? I have a lot of the books I was reading at her age, and have shelves overladen with things that would be fine for her. Miss Mischief is happily reading her way through my shelves, with particular approval required from me.

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  10. hi there.
    i'm new to your blog. my son is a big reader too and man is it hard to find books to read that appeal to a 10 year old boy!! i wondered if your daughter might like the gregor series by suzanne collins. so far my son is enjoying them.
    anyway, i enjoy reading about your new adventures in your new home. would love some more photos of the new place (sorry, but i'm a sticky nose!) when you have a chance.
    all the best,
    jo

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  11. I'm sure so many other mothers out there feel the same way about their daughters! Mine are only 3 and 1 but those things are definitely on my mind. It doesn't matter what other people say to you about your children, she's YOUR daughter and you're right, the world is a bad place. I've seen photos of my 13 yr old cousin dressed in questionable clothing, making questionable poses, wearing make up and not leaving any doubt that certain things are in her mind. GAH! I can't say anything to her but my children I can and I will and I hope I can be the best role model for them. Ok, that's my rant... could go on for hours. It doesn't matter if our children don't follow the world, it'll make them interesting! xoxo
    (PS, love the photo of you and your girl. )

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  12. Thanks everyone for your love today - I have needed it after a gruesome afternoon being under attach! xo Rach

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  13. its a day's drive away for me...but so so worth it dearest....yes I think $80 per night is do-able, best check with my accountant (my main man, he is so good to me though, more on that one later, a lesson he continually teaches me in total and absolute trust...will email the latest lesson to you honey) love and BIG SQUISHY HUGS today, sorry you have been so under attack, don't let that old devil in!!! TK xx

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  14. I feel like I'm not really authorised to say anything to the matter since I don't have kids of my own. However, in my experience, you can't shut your kids away from the world. They want to go and explore, no matter if it includes falling and hurting yourself. But exactly because we must accept that we can't protect them from all the bad and sad and wrong things that our world is made of I believe we should do our best to give them the strength, the knowledge and capability to deal with it. You will not be able to keep your little miss away from all things that you class as bad for her once she gets interested in them - but you can try and be a guide, a friend on the journey and a stronghold to go to if there is a hurt that needs tending to.
    much love
    yaga

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  15. She's so lovely Rach (and so are you). I am with you all the way on protecting our kids' innocence, no matter how old fashioned that might sound, I think it is (or should be) a basic right of childhood. I've got some catching up to do - I think I've missed a couple of posts...

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  16. thank you for sharing such a personal part of you Rach, I know it must have been a little difficult.
    i only have a 5yr old girl but I already see all the influences out there.
    I am trying my best to shield her so I understand completely.
    keep on being such a wonderful mum.
    i love that pic of you, you look so happy to be hugging your gorgeous girl there ♥

    thank you for the offer & sweet words, whatever you feel like making I will love.
    thanks for the generosity, many, many hugs to you sweet girl ♥

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  17. She has her whole life to be grown up and only these few precious years to be a child. You are right to guard. ANd what to share, what is safe? Such great questions, I muddle through them myself especially when I choose to risk something close to my heart.

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