I am finishing my first essay off today and have three to go. I begin full-time placement in three weeks that goes for three weeks. As I read some new blogs my head is full of so many thoughts. I am thinking about the greatness of blogging for my own heart and self. Then I wonder - mmm... I'd prefer not to talk about it with people that actually know me. I love blogging as a source of clarifying my own thoughts, isn't that why most of us do it? Then I wonder how much of me do I share? My husband know me, my God knows me - is it safe to let you know me? I know it is all very obscure. These thoughts of mine.
I am relishing in the healing to my own heart I find in reading blogs of other's who are open, honest and writing about times in their life that many don't talk about. Mentioning my eating disorder in Sunday's blog was a huge step. I had even forgotten to include it in my story. I have hidden it from the world for so long - but it is part of me. All these little stories make up who we are. We are not the same, why do we try to present that we are?
I look at my darling daughter and see how innocent she is still at 11 1/2. I have been told by many that she needs to 'grow up' and do what other kids do. There is no way I would let her have access to the internet unattended let alone be on chat lines until all hours of the night. Why the hell would I want to do that. The real world is horrible. I tried to introduce an old Australian movie, remember The Shiralee with Brian Brown? The dysfunction was nothing new to me, but it distressed her so much. Master S wouldn't have a bar of it, however he is sensitive to Little House on the Prairie!
Yesterday I was searching for a good book to buy Miss G. She is academically gifted and quite the reader. So I decided to look in the teen section. What the? There was nothing wholesome, a book for a 12-13 year old discussing a teenage girl dying and her only wish was to have sex. I know some (and bless those of you who have not lost it after kids) think sex is great - but for an early teen? Why once our babes reach a certain age is the world trying to turn them into tarts? Many an article has been written on this and some are of the opinion it is what the parents teach. I agree. I also may add that there is not much out there in mainstream society that aides in raising wholesome children once they reach a certain age.
So I will continue to teach my children the way I do. I don't want my daughter purging and starving herself like I did. Why would I expose her to such crap in the media.
Rant, rant, rant.
So how much of me do I share? I don't know. It kind of hurts to do it. I feel it opens me up for rejection. It also brings me healing. Maybe it brings something to you too? Thanks for your support to those of you who leave comments - if you don't - be brave! It truly blesses me. xoxox
Back to my essay!
Much Love Rach xox