I spent today on a school excursion to the Melbourne Writers Festival with my young Master S. He was chosen as one of four in his class for his creative writing - to participate in a Year 4 to Year 12 English excursion. Master S met his favorite author; Emily Rodda.
It reminded me of my teen years, the years where I was discovering my academic abilities. The years that I began to explore the City. The years where my creativity began. The years I met Mr DCT at Flinders Street Station to spend days together. The years that I now feel, I am getting back to similar trains of thought.
I loved being with all the 'kids' today. My group was just delightful - I even got a hug from one of the boys. How sweet (I felt valued).
On the bus on the way home, chatting with another mamma. The conversation came to being a mamma. The tasks, the choices, the role, what we do, the sacrifice, the loneliness, the joy. One of the teachers, a beautiful lady - let me know she remembered those days, when her last babe went to school. The feeling of climbing out of a hole. I love being a mamma, don't get me wrong - but it is hard. That is not talked about much.
I was thinking. Where did I go? What happened to that teenager that whimsically loved going to the City and experiencing the Arts, culture, OP-SHOPS! She had babies. I had special babies.
Last night I received an email from a fellow stall holder - she too has a child on the Autism Spectrum. One of the mamma's on the excursion today has a child on the Autism Spectrum. I have two. I remembered that only 12 month ago, if we took Master J to a shopping center, movie theatre - or the like. I remembered the stress, the tantrums, the sensory overload; the anxiety it caused the family.
Today I had a little hope. As I accompanied Master S on his excursion - that maybe one day soon - just maybe - we might be able to be a 'normal' family. We might be able to start experiencing culture, the Arts, trips to the City again. I hope so. I felt like me again.
Much Love Rach xo