Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Fathers

"A righteous man who walks in his integrity -
How blessed are his sons after him." Proverbs 20:7

There is so much I want to write in this post.  I know where the words are coming from, but I don't know how I will write them.  I'm just going to type and see how it comes out.  I've been thinking about this the last few days.  Then last night, Mr DCT took a few hours off working an afternoon shift because we needed him here.  Our boys struggle, the whole family struggles when it is afternoon shift.  They don't see Daddy for at times up to five days.  Some of you may not think that's much, but it really breaks our hearts.  You see, we love and value this man.  Our family wouldn't be our family without him, I can't parent and give the children all they need.  Mr DCT has his way, last night it was Pokemon card negotiations with the boys.  He turned a shouting seven year old, into a peaceful brotherly experience.

I have a dad.  He left my family when I was six years old.  The life of raising three children with a wife who adored him was obviously not enough for him - sure my parents had their issues - but was it really that bad?  It broke me.  I have had people ask and comment about why I haven't gotten over it.  Logically, time should be the answer.  But time cannot heal all wounds.  You see, a father is there, is created to be one's security, one's giver of life, one's encourager; one of the two people a child should be able to count on unconditionally.  A father should not abandon their family.  My dad did telephone me most nights of my childhood; I know he still carries guilt.  But he reapeated the pattern two more times... leaving my step-mum and two sisters.... and then another dramatic twist.

I wonder if men and fathers know how important they are - or has society deluded them into feeling they are not worthwhile contributors to a family.  The age of feminism has done amazing things, one such is the shift in respecting that dad's are important.  Fathers are appointed for one of the most important jobs in the world.  It's not just about being a sperm donor.  Yes mother's are important, I am not belittling mothers - we all know one cannot do without a mum.  I am just focusing on the power of dads.

Maybe families don't let them know, do we not appreciate or respect them?    That is a whole other post.  My bottom line is, everyone I know or have heard of who has had their father leave their home has been broken.  Their spirit, their heart was broken.  Lost love, a huge grief, a life-long feeling of inadequacy because the one who mattered most left the home (I am discussing abandonment, not death just so you know).

me adoring my dad....

There is something spiritual about a dad.  Something that words cannot describe, that some cannot even fathom.  Having a dad in the home who is there is something divine.  It is divinely right.

We never watch prime-time tv.  But we did last week.  It was an interview with the lead singer of Good Charlotte, Joel Madden.  It almost brought me to tears to hear his biggest challenge and heart-break in life for him and his twin brother was when his father left his family.  Watching this interview followed a family movie I watched with Miss P and Miss G.  Here is a clip from YouTube.

I was sobbing by the end of the movie.  I urge you to watch the whole movie - if you had your Dad growing up - or if you are married - if your dad or husband left - either way, you will get what I am talking about.

Our society does not seem to give much attention to this amazing value.  The family unit, the cause of good men.  Men being valued.  During my university studies to be a teacher many lectures discuss broken homes.  The statistics and scholarly studies conducted on children and families without a Dad are staggering.  It does reflect social dysfunction, poverty and mental health issues.  This is a reality.

Miss G adoring her dad

Some of our besties, one of my best friends has fallen.  He left his family last September.  It has not only affected his family, but mine, and our other best friends.  His wife (also my great friend) has been a testimony to the challenges they faced.  There was encouragement and respect missing, some deceit.  Little Master E apparently requested to my friend that he needed a new daddy.  When asked why, he replied "My daddy's broken.".  Such wise words, philosophical really - but so sad.  This is something that has a tumbleweed effect, broken daddy, broken children.... then when the children get married... statistically these things keep going.  Oh but for Grace and knowledge and wisdom.

What about you... did you have a dad growing up?  How did it effect your life?  I watch my kidlets with Mr DCT and I thank God for him.  I am so thankful for this rich blessing, that they will grow up with a dad and not be broken by abandonment.

Love to you xxx Rach

16 comments:

  1. Such a beautifully written post and all so true. You are right Dad's are so very important and can offer a difference in a child's life that a Mum cannot. I had a Dad in my life, at home, but he really wasn't there in many ways, to talk to, to confide in, it was a distant feeling. I suppose in one way I was lucky but it certainly wasn't roses. We strive to do things as a family, for us both to share the parenting most of the time. It's so important to us raise well adjusted girls so they become well adjusted adults. I'm so glad that your little ones get to enjoy their Dad and value him so much. x

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    1. each day I feel so grateful Catherine! xxx

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  2. A great post Rach, it is easy to forget how important dads can be. My dad is a wonderful man and he has my respect, he works hard we always had everything we needed but ontop of being an amazing provider he was there for us no matter what hour and still is. He used to pick me up from work at mid night all through my teen years and he would take me to parties and then pick me up at 12-1 am to make sure i got home safe. He also made sure every weekend we would go for a family/drive outting somewhere even though at the time we would whinge about another long car drive to see some silly museum or national park....we always had an absolute ball when we got there. It really is heartbreaking to think there are soooooo many kids/people out there who just don't have that dad relationship it really is an essential part of our lives.

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    1. precious! Mr DCT loves taking the kids to school and picking them up... more weekend time with him would be great for special trips.... how precious is your Dad! xx

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  3. This is a really good one my love,
    Must make Matt read it,
    lotsa oxox

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    1. I was gonna talk about Matt (one of the good ones)... xxx but wasn't sure if he would mind! xx

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  4. Hey Rach,I know you weren't talking about death but I lost my father when I was 11, and although I have to admit it was an easier thing than what I've seen of families who lose their fathers through selfish choices it was still really hard.I was constantly searching to replace him with other males and then when my beautiful step father came into my life I rejected him for a lot of years because my brother wouldn't let me accept him. Ironically the horror of losing my brother to death as well actually freed me to begin a father/daughter relationship with my step father. But I still wonder what life would have been like if I didn't lose my Daddy,I still grieve for a lost identity throughout my teenage years. But I sympathise rather than empathise with those who lost their fathers through divorce or suicide because I know that my Daddy didn't choose his fate. Xoxo! God bless!

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    1. It must have been so hard for you, what a young age to deal with grief. I never knew that you went through such a loss. Thanks for your message... been thinking of you and little Miss Squeaky - hope you're feeling great! xx

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  5. My Dad has always been my mate. A counsellor once told me that I had issues due to having a father who 'wasn't there'. My parents separated when I was a teenager so I think due to parental competition I was conditioned to think he wasn't there because he didn't enjoy social gatherings and didn't watch me on stage, or root for me in tennis, or do a speech at my wedding (Irrational fears not nastiness).
    Even through these issues and more, I feel like my Daddy can do no wrong. Funny eh? I totally 'get' the spiritual connection with our Dad's, I feel like I can tell mine anything, dirty jokes, silly things i've done as a teenager i'd NEVER tell Mum. We have a friendship and I love him deeply even and especially with all his faults. Don't tell him that though, he'd get all uncomfortable.

    My little girl calls her Daddy 'My Daddy'.

    ie: "My Daddy, can I have another marshmallow?" Looks like another Daddy that can 'do no wrong' ;-)

    Beautiful thought provoking post, thank you. :-)

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    1. That is great that you have a great relationship! xxx My hubby is that too my kidlets!

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  6. Wow this post is amazing! It brought me to tears realizing how much I really miss dad and thinking about things like what happens when I get married? I would write more but my mind has to many thoughts on this I don't know where to start? I hope that Miss G, Master S and Master J will always appreciate having a daddy there :) xxx

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    1. I love you xxxx Hope you are okay and know this was how it affects me with my dad, and my opinion.... Wish you guys could come up this weekend xxx

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    2. Yes I hope we do to xoxox :)

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  7. A really great post Rachel,
    I grew up without a dad in the home, and who made it very clear his career was his first priority. It didn't do wonders for my self esteem, and took many years to realise there was nothing wrong with me, but something wrong with him. I am very lucky I went in search of someone who was the complete opposite of my father and found him. He is a wonderful husband and father and best friend and I adore him and he adores us. Now i feel sorry for my dad.....i wonder if he realises just how many amazing things he missed out on, and I feel sad for him. Fathers are essential to children- a mother cannot take that place, no matter how hard she tries. Bec x

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    1. Funny you say that, I had such a low self esteem too, and always thought I was not good enough.... funny also how maybe one of our greatest desires for our own kids brought us both great husbands! xx love to you xx

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