I thought about you today. I tried not to, but I did. It's Fathers Day here in Australia. I wonder if you will ever realise what you could have been. What we all wanted. What we valued. I wonder if you know that you are of value. Strangely there are six of us from three that have done, do today and may think and feel this. I wonder if there are any more. More to different mothers.
There are another little six Grandchildren who would adore you. If only you let them. If only what we desired so greatly all our lives was what you desired too. Is there not an inbuilt radar that if you have children that love you - a Father should love them back? I imagined there would be. I am more than glad mine have a reciprocal relationship with theirs.
So today your Grandson played in his first football grand final. Your daughter missed you and wished it was different. I am sure your others thought of you today. What is lost, what could be if you didn't run.
I read something last week. It made me think of you. If only you realised what your worth was. Did you ever know this I wonder? How could you not. I think you told me lies. It's been almost a year. The last I heard you were checking what my brother had told one of your ex's so the other didn't know. Playing games, I figured it out. I'm not playing any more.
I read something last week. It reminded me of you. A Dad is a son's first hero and a daughter's first love. How could you not know we adored you. We did not choose you - we were given to you. If only you realised that you were that hero and love. If only. Things would be different. I pray your life one day makes meaning and sense. Not of the narcissistic type. I pray for a miracle - because I have figured that is what it will take.